Super Bust

Okay. It took me a couple days to get over my Super Bowl hangover. Yes, the one that comes from far too many brews and enough cholesterol to clog the Holland Tunnel, true. But my head is still throbbing for another reason – because on the biggest ad day of the year, in a game where a single turnover decided the fate of two cities – there were enough fumbles during the commercial breaks to make Jamaal Charles look like a pack of sticky notes.

I was looking forward to whittling down the dozens of great ads like a proud piece of hickory. Instead we got balsa wood. So rather than marvel at the genius little gems of capitalism we were all hoping for, let’s go over the top five reasons that this year’s Super Bowl ads sucked the proverbial goat’s balls.

5. Betty White? Irony – no I get irony. But really?

4. Guys in no pants. Twice?… in a row?!

3. Dramatic barnyard animals? More like drunk copywriters.

2. Jay + Oprah + Dave. Yeah, ok… I’m still bitter about the whole CoCo thing.

1. And finally, the goat-ball-suckiest of them all: The Boost Mobile Shuffle. For a kid that lived through the early eighties in Chicago, this is almost as bad as Jesus and Moses singing ‘Who Let the Dogs Out?’… “whom. whom. whom?”

Kudos to Google by the way. Dagnamit, is there nothing they can’t do.*

*Brought to you by Gbrainwashing.

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