Tag Archives: twitter

Have you Been N@ughty or Nice?

Okee, obsessive Tweeters, this one’s for you.

So you think that your half-conscious jabber on Twitter doesn’t have any consequences? I mean, who cares if 167 followers see that you “Just totally drank a double VENTI candy cane Mochacino @AshleyGirlz LOL” or that you think that “The guy sitting next to me on the El smells like monkey ass”? It’s just pointless gab, right? Wrong.

Now your obsessive ramblings are putting your Tweet lil’ ass on the line. That’s right – someone has been paying attention and he knows if you’ve been naughty or nice.

@SantaK. You's a HO HO HO!

Lucky for you, the minds behind London’s Collective digital agency put this together just in the St. Nick of time. Thanks to their Naughty or Nice evaluator, you can get the inside scoop on just where you stand on the ol’ list based on your entire Tweet history.

Don’t want coal in your digital stocking? Better turn things around quick: wax Tweetetic about how you were wrong and your boss is a complete genius or that you hope your parents donate your Xmas money to the Salvation Army instead.

After all, Santa is gonna find out what you’ve done – and he doesn’t have to check twice anymore thanks to your 140 characters of pure devilry.

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@Hamlet LOL, Mate!

Ah, the classics. Oh, the joy of methodically working your way through the Western Canon, book by book, dust cover by dust cover, one dead white guy at a time. It is possible to absorb every piece of prose ever written – that is, if time, education and paper cuts weren’t major concerns.

Thankfully, in our enlightened age, a student of the pen no longer has to understand such archaic ideas as symbolism, exposition or form (go suck an egg, Iambic Pentameter!). And we have the bright minds at Twitterature to thank for that.

These crafty readers have done the hard work for us, by carefully digesting dozens of lengthy tomes and spitting them out in everyone’s favorite 140-character format.

From Aesop to Virgil, Dante to Goethe (pronounced “old blustery kraut”), the greatest works of man are all here, waiting for you to LOL.

Here are some examples.

The Metamorphasis by Franz Kafka

@bugged-out I seem to have transformed into a large bug. Has this ever happened to any of you? No solution on Web MD.

Moby Dick by Herman Melville

@greatwhitetale Call me Ishmael. You could call me something else if you want, but since that’s my name, it would make sense to call me Ishmael.

Captain obsessed with finding a whale called Moby Dick. Sounds like the meanest VD ever, if you ask me. Sorry. Old joke. Couldn’t resist.

Beowulf by Anonymous

@Eazy-B Uh oh. Grendel’s mom showed up. She is really pissed. Wait. Monsters have feelings?

So sit back with a nice cup of tea, dust off the ol’ MacBook and work your way through thousands of years of literature in 140 characters or less. Not only will you finally get that edumacation you’ve been putting off, but the next time you ask out that hot librarian, you can honestly claim to have read Wuthering Heights.

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